i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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