and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
