Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
