Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
