I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sext me about skeletons
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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