I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
