There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
