remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
