how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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