His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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