Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
