If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
