All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Alive.
So much puke
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
