You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
