when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
