operation have a gay friend backfired
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
