She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
