Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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