Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
