I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
