I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
