saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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