He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
