You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
