Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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