OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
