she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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