I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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