I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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