i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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