Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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