ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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