she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
