...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
