I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
