Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
