found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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