She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
