i just wanna soil my oats bro
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
