so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
