I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
