You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize