Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
