Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize