I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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