just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
