textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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