I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
