i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I want is dick and wine.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize