She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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