we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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