I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
