I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
