Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
