I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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