He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
