What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
