made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
