dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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