u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
