I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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