he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
