I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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