How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
