You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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