i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
