The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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