I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
